Suicidal Love
by hime-Ayame
Summary: This is in Juri's POV. Juri loves Takato but she's afraid too tell him. She's also depressed and suicidal. Rated PG-13 for suicide and those stuff.
1. Attempt Number One

                                                                                   **Suicidal Love**

**Disclaimer:** Digimon does not belong to me, which it belongs to Toei Animation. The characters belong to Toei Animation too but some are made up.

**A/N:** This is in Juri's POV.

**Chapter:** One. "Attempt Number One."

                I strolled around the streets, thinking how miserable my life is. _My life's so horrible and unfair. Why can't I have someone that can hold me close, make me feel secure, protect me, and be there for me when I need them? I'm so lonely…and paranoia. I just can't do anything right. I…wish there was someone to understand me._ I sighed as tears appeared in my eyes. I cannot cry. I must not cry. I won't look mature if I cry… But who cares?

                I looked up at a red brick building and sighed again. It read "Matsuda Bakery." Matsuda Takato. _Oh, how I wish you understood how much I care about you, Takato-kun. Why doesn't anyone understand?_ I hesitated at the front door about going in or not. What if he's with another girl? What if he doesn't like me? What if he's doing something else more important? After all, it's not like love is on his mind 24/7…like me. I shook my head and ran from his parents' bakery.

                I ran back home and slammed my door shut. I dropped on my bed, face hiding in the white-feathered pillow and crying. I'm such a chicken. I can't even tell Takato how I really feel for him. He probably doesn't like me… He'd probably like a rat than me. He'd probably die than to return my feelings. I cried harder on the white pillow, soaking it. My mom might understand how I feel…but she's dead. She left me… My stepmother won't understand. No one does. Besides, my mom's probably mad at me in the underworld because I let my stepmother take her place and for not crying longer after she died.

                I reached for a stuffed animal and cried harder on the stuffed animal. "Takato-kun, I really care about you. But I'm scared of rejection… I'm scared. I'm so sorry, Takato-kun. I really am. I wish you'll understand. Takato-kun…" I sobbed. I didn't understand why Fate was so mean and still so mean to me. "Leave me alone, Fate!" I shouted. I threw the stuffed animal at the dark brown door and sat up.

                I grabbed the scissor on the table next to my bed with my right hand, held at my left wrist spot. I opened the scissor and held the sharper part over my left arm. I dropped the sharper part on my left wrist and slit my wrist. I kept cutting, ignoring the pain and my tears from agony. "Takato-kun…"

                I looked around my room. My room had white wallpaper with little teddy bear pictures on it, another desk with pictures of the class; pictures of my mom, my dad, Tadashi, and me; pictures of my dad, Tadashi, my stepmother, Shizue and me; and a picture of Takato-kun. The window on the right of the desk revealed the sky blue skies with a few clouds. My eyes moved to the white wallpaper and my eyes started to close.

                "Takato-kun… I really care about…you," I said before fainting.


	2. Okuwa Kenji

                                                                                   **Suicidal Love**

**Disclaimer:** Digimon does not belong to me, which it belongs to Toei Animation. The characters belong to Toei Animation too but some are made up.

**A/N:** This is still in Juri's POV.

**Chapter:** Two. "Okuwa Kenji."

            I woke up, finding myself in a white wall room with a few unfamiliar paintings on the wall. I rubbed my eyes. I felt really hot and pushed the quilt off me. I sat up, as my eyes searched the room. There was a small white table with red, pink, and white roses in a vase and also a card leaning against the violet vase. My eyes moved to another part of the room, the door and it was dark tan colored. _Weird. This isn't my room. Where am I?_ I felt scared and tried to call out to my father, Tadashi or even my stepmother, Shizue. I _was_ scared.

            "Hello?"

            No response.

"Shizue? Tadashi? _Mom?"_ I whispered softly. "Anyone?"

            I looked next to me and saw another small white table with a few cards on it. I picked them up and read them. They were from Ruki, Ryou, Jenrya, Kenta, Shizue, and Tadashi. Takato's card wasn't to be found there. Tears began to appear on her eyes but she blinked them away. _Where's Takato's card? But why did they give me a card?_ I wondered perplexedly. I took Ruki's card in my hand and left the others on the bed.

            Ruki's card read: _Dear Juri, I hope you know that many, many, many people care about you. Please don't do anything silly like attempting to suicide. We all care about you. Like when we were in the Digital World. We all care about you. Sorry I don't have much to say. Just don't do something silly like that again. –Makino Ruki P.S. – Don't call me Ruki-chan, okay?_

            Tears trickled down my cheeks and wetted the dark yellowish tan quilt. I was in a hospital from slitting my wrist. They all wrote to me… except Takato. Everyone did but Takato. Everyone but the one she loves. She dropped Ruki's card and wiped her tears away. She picked up Jenrya's card next.

            Jenrya's card read: _Dear Juri. You are very special to everyone, even the Digimon. Why did you do something like attempting to suicide? You know suicide isn't the answer or alternate way of getting away from a morass. Takato cares about you, I'm sure he sent you a card too. But don't suicide. No matter what the situation is or how hard the pressure is pressing on you, you cannot give up. You can't just give up your life because of one itty-bitty problem. There are a lot of people who cares about you. Can't you see that? I shouldn't bother you… But if you need someone to talk to, you can just come to me. –Lee Jenrya_

            Tears trickled down my cheeks rapidly now. I couldn't read anymore. It's just going to hurt. And it'll hurt more to find out that Takato didn't care. I was speechless and disappointed. Not to forget I was hurt and brokenhearted. I stepped out of bed, the cards still on the bed, and slipped in the white hospital slippers.

            I walked out of the room and walked around the hallways emotionless. I passed the exhibit board, where they showed extraordinary patients that checked in and checked out of their hospital. I stopped midway of the board and stared at a picture. It was of a picture of a little boy of about 4 years old, standing in the center of a group of white lab coat scientists, and concentrating of the big garbage bag. The picture next to it was the same group of people but the garbage bag floating in the air and the little boy's eyes were like…sparkling.

            "Wow…" I murmured.

            "Thanks," a masculine voice said, that surprised me.

            I jumped back and flushed in embarrassment. The boy was about my age, maybe one year old, with honey colored hair and bluish brown eyes. He was wearing the hospital clothes only sky blue colored. He stood about 6 inches taller than me and he was also by the board. "Hi… You're that little boy?" I asked, fascinated. 

            "Yeah. What's your name and why are you here? You look innocent and nice enough," he flattered.

            "Katou Juri. I'm here because I tried to suicide by slitting my wrist…" I said softly. "Your name?"

            "Okuwa Kenji," Kenji smiled. But his smile turned into a frown. "You shouldn't try to suicide. Suicide isn't the answer to anything, Y'know. I should know that… I tried to kill myself because I was sick of people interrogating me and testing me for my damn psychokinesis power. I was also depressed, too depressed for my age, and felt the interrogation wasn't helping. So I slit my wrists and my parents finally got the press and scientists to leave me alone."

            I nodded in comprehension and sympathetic. I knew what he meant…except for the interrogation for his psychokinesis. I reached out and touched the board. "But why are you really here? For the suicide attempt?" I asked.

            "Not really," he replied. "It's because my psychokinesis got…a little out of control." He flushed in embarrassment. "I couldn't control my powers…so my parents sent me here. The doctors are _very_ nice and they treat me as if I don't have my powers. Though they do tests but it's to see if I can control at least a big amount of my powers."

            I nodded. "I know. I haven't seen anyone yet since I woke up." I looked around and sighed. "And…well…" I hesitated. I didn't to bore Kenji with my love/life story or about Takato's reluctance to send a card or visit me. I felt obliged if I told him everything. "I…never mind."

            "Tell me," Kenji insisted. "You can trust me."

            "Well, I really tried to commit suicide because I felt like Takato, the guy I really like, doesn't seem to notice me anymore. Like he's interested in anything _but_ me. I just felt like…dying. Like I have no purpose. And when I got here, all my friends _but_ Takato."

            Kenji nodded as if understanding. He snapped his fingers suddenly and walked over to me. He embraced me and whispered, "If you are meant to be with someone, Fate will work it out for both you and your destined partner. Besides, you're still young, Juri-chan."

            I blushed a little and smiled. "Thanks… I guess." Kenji walked away, back to his room and the doctors, as I stood there. I watched as he left and walked back to my chamber room. I felt a little better and hoped that I would see Kenji again. I would miss him a lot when I'm released.


	3. I love you

                                                                                   **Suicidal Love**

**Disclaimer:** Digimon does not belong to me, which it belongs to Toei Animation. The characters belong to Toei Animation too but some are made up.

**A/N:** Some parts of the story has been edited by Chris.

**Format:** This is still in Juri's POV. And this is the last chapter? 

**Chapter:** Three. "I love you."

            I was released from the hospital after three weeks. They assigned me to a psychologist to see every Tuesday each week. I had decided in the hospital to tell Takato I loved him. I couldn't hold it any longer. Whether he returns my feelings or not, I had to be strong and face the truth, no matter how much it'll hurt.

            I walked over to Takato's home, reciting and memorizing the right words to tell Takato. I turned on the street and slowed down my speed. I passed other houses and stores. I took a deep breath when I arrived at his parents' bakery, Matsuda Bakery, and released it. I walked up to the bakery doorstep and pushed open the door. "Mrs. Matsuda?" I asked softly.

            Mrs. Mie Matsuda walked from the shelf to the door and was surprised to see me. "Juri! Takato's been talking about you," Mie Matsuda said. "He'd been _so_ worried about you during your whole time in the hospital."

            I was kind of surprised but incredulous. "But why didn't he visit me or send me a get-well card? That would've made things better for me in the hospital," I said.

            "He was scared. He was afraid you wouldn't want to see him. He kept blaming himself that he made you try to kill yourself," Mrs. Matsuda said.

            All this time I thought Takato didn't care. But in reality, he did and he felt the same way as I did toward our feelings. We understood each other…without knowing it. Maybe Kenji was right that if we were meant to be, Fate would work its way out for us. Maybe we _are_ meant to be. I smiled at that thought. "Can I see Takato-kun?" I asked.

            "Sure," Mrs. Matsuda smiled.

            I followed Mrs. Matsuda to the stairway and up the stairs. She pointed to Takato's room, which the door was closed, and she went back downstairs. She winked at me and said, "Good luck. I know you both are meant to be. Like a couple of doves." I blushed and smiled at Mrs. Matsuda. She read my mind. Maybe after all Takato-kun and I are meant to be. I kept my smile on and walked to Takato's room. I knocked on the door and waited for Takato's response.

            Takato didn't say anything or do anything. I knocked again and he still didn't respond. "Takato-kun? Are you in there?" I asked, knocking again. He still didn't answer. My hand reached for the golden colored knob and turned. It was unlock. I opened it a little and stepped in, hearing silence at first and then I heard a soft crying.

            I walked to the bed slowly and softly. "Takato-kun…?" I looked around and spotted Takato leaning against the closet door. He was crying softly that was barely audible. I walked to Takato, bolder to tell him how I feel. "Takato-kun… I have something to say," I said.

            "I know, I know. It's my fault. I'm so sorry. I know you'll never return my feelings. All I've done is neglected you. I'm really sorry, Katou-san…" Takato muttered. He still called me Katou-san.

            "No, no, Takato-kun," I shook my head. "It's not your fault. I want to tell you that…I…I…" I gulped. It was harder than I thought to tell him that I love him. "Takato-kun…"

            Takato wiped his tears away and looked at me. His dark brown eyes glistened from his tears and in spite of the misery he went through. I saw hope in his eyes, dazzling in them…a spark of fire. I decided to just tell him straightforward.

            I gulped. "Takato-kun… I love you," I said. I covered my face instantly, not that I was going to cry or anything.

            Takato was surprised and sat there motionless. Then he reached out to my arms and pulled them down to my knees. I looked up at him, wondering what he was going to do. He looked down on the floor and then lifted his head. His gaze met mine. "Katou-san. Don't be ashamed. I…love you too," he said.

            Those four words were like…magical words that entered my mind. I stared at him disbelievingly but his face was solemn. It was true! My dream came true! "Takato-kun!" I cried out, hugging him tightly. I felt so warm and complete, with Takato's arms around me. We stayed like that for 5 whole minutes, just holding each other tightly and securely in Takato's room. We were like two doves in love.


End file.
